It starts with fireworks, texts all day, extravagant compliments, and grand gestures that make your heart race. It feels like something out of a romance novel. But is it true love, or are you being love bombed?

Love bombing is when someone showers you with excessive attention, gifts, and affection too soon, not as a sign of deep love, but as a way to gain control or manipulate. While it’s natural to be excited about a new relationship, distinguishing between healthy affection and unhealthy intensity can save you from heartache. Let’s break it down.

1. The Speed of the Relationship: Healthy vs. Overwhelming

💚 Healthy Love: Takes time to develop. There’s mutual excitement, but things progress naturally, and both partners feel comfortable.

🚩 Love Bombing: Moves fast. They profess their love within days, talk about moving in together too soon, or overwhelm you with their presence.

Therapeutic Insight: According to Attachment Theory, people with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may be more susceptible to love bombing. If you feel an intense, immediate attachment, it’s important to assess whether this is due to past attachment wounds or genuine connection.

2. Compliments & Declarations: Genuine or Over-the-Top?

💚 Healthy Love: Compliments feel natural, specific, and balanced with getting to know each other.

🚩 Love Bombing: You hear things like, “You’re my soulmate,” “I’ve never met anyone like you,” or “I can’t live without you” all before they even know your middle name.

Therapeutic Insight: The Gottman Institute emphasizes the importance of building trust over time through consistent, reliable actions rather than grand verbal gestures. Pay attention to whether their words match their behaviors.

3. Gifts & Grand Gestures: Thoughtful or Excessive?

💚 Healthy Love: A thoughtful surprise or occasional sweet gesture that shows appreciation.

🚩 Love Bombing: Lavish gifts, over-the-top surprises, or extravagant plans that seem too much, too soon, often designed to make you feel obligated or dependent.

Therapeutic Insight: In Narcissistic Abuse Dynamics, love bombing is often followed by devaluation and control. If someone showers you with gifts but later uses them as leverage, it’s a red flag.

4. Respect for Boundaries: Supportive or Controlling?

💚 Healthy Love: They respect your space, time, and personal decisions.

🚩 Love Bombing: They get upset if you don’t text back immediately, guilt you into spending time together, or try to isolate you from friends and family.

Therapeutic Insight: Boundary-setting, as emphasized in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), is key in any healthy relationship. If expressing your needs leads to defensiveness or guilt-tripping, it’s worth re-evaluating the relationship.

5. How Do You Feel? Secure or On Edge?

💚 Healthy Love: You feel excited, but also secure, calm, and respected.

🚩 Love Bombing: You feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even guilty when you try to set boundaries.

Therapeutic Insight: Somatic Therapy suggests that the body often recognizes red flags before the mind does. If your nervous system is constantly on high alert around this person, your intuition might be signaling danger.

6. Love Bombing from Women: What It Can Look Like

While love bombing is often discussed in the context of men overwhelming women with affection, women can also engage in this behavior, though it may sometimes look different.

💚 Healthy Love: A balanced level of affection, care, and independence in the relationship.

🚩 Love Bombing:

Excessive caretaking: Showering their partner with extreme acts of service or attention (e.g., cooking elaborate meals daily, handling all responsibilities, or insisting on solving every problem).
Emotional intensity: Declaring deep love early, claiming a "soulmate" connection, or creating urgency in commitment.
Guilt-based bonding: Saying things like "I’ve never felt this way before. Don’t hurt me." or "I’ve given you everything—how can you doubt me?"
Social entanglement: Rapidly integrating into their partner’s life, befriending their friends and family to create a sense of obligation.
Overcommunication: Constant texting, calling, or needing reassurance in ways that feel overwhelming rather than affectionate.

Therapeutic Insight: Love bombing, regardless of gender, is about control rather than love. If someone’s affection makes you feel trapped instead of cherished, take a step back and reassess the relationship.

Final Thoughts: Trust the Process, Not Just the Words

Love bombing can feel intoxicating, but true love isn’t a rush, it’s a steady, growing connection. If someone is coming on too strong, too fast, slow things down. A healthy partner will respect your pace and give love the time it deserves.

Not sure what you’re experiencing? Therapy can help you navigate dating with clarity and confidence. Need support? We’re here to help!

Gentle Reminder:

As licensed therapists, we love sharing insights on relationships, parenting, mental health, and personal growth. While this blog provides valuable information and strategies, it is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care. Everyone’s journey is unique, and if you need support, we encourage you to reach out to a licensed mental health professional or local resources. You deserve care that’s tailored to you!